The Schizophrenic Indian Pachyderm with a 56inch chest Mahout

The sarkar is in the midst of performing a unique surgery : turning the lumbering Indian economic elephant into a galloping racehorse. The Indian economy has traditionally been likened to a haathi, a large creature that plods along at a slow but steady race. How does one turn this plodding jumbo into a champion racer ? They got a bit of aid with a favourable balance of payments and used the cheap oil to scrub the elephant to lose some weight. Then they started fuelling the sensex to get the plastic surgery done on the elephant to tarnsplant mane. But they just couldn’t get a good surgeon to do this and the task has come to a standstill.

Turning an elephant into a war racehorse can’t be accomplished overnight. First of all, unlike the horse which carries only a single rider on its back, the elephant is built to carry a lot of people, the more the merrier. Right now, apart from the BJP , the Indian elephant is carrying an ill matched assortment which includes the Congress, CPM, Trinamool, Samajwadi Party, BSP, AIADMK and so on, ad addendum. AAP is trying to catch on to the tail and slipping, protesting and catching up to slip again. Its a hilarious picture and a new RK Laxman acn only do justice to it. The common man, like always, is half naked, watching.

Each of the elephant’s many passengers wants the beast to go in a different direction. The BJP is trying to get it to go straight towards an 7% growth rate bulldozing RBI. The CPM wants it to go to left, and left again. Mulayam wants it to head for the nearest Muslim vote bank, while Mayawati is trying to coax it in the direction of a SEZ exclusively dedicated to manufacturing Ambedkar statues. Trinamool is seated facing the tail of the animal instead of the head, and want it to walk backwards. The Congress knows that it does not want the elephant to go where Modi wants it to go. They are too sharp to waste money on useless plastic surgeries as they believe in the mortality of life. Rahulbaba , being of royal lineage, does not have any inclination to learn how to be a mahout. Within each party there are factions reflecting innate schizophrenia . Many elements of the Sangh Parivar – the saffron banyan tree of which BJP is an offshoot – are also trying to back seat drive the elephant. Yechury and Buddhadev wants it to go a bit left while Karats guide towards the sharp left turn. Amitda is using SPSS to slow the back walk to prevent the crush of trinamool while Mukul and Madan are hell bent on going back to their days of having country liquor at Government licensed bar, the jail, while slipping their clutch of Didi’s aanchal . DMK is faced with an unique problem, they wear dark glasses so that visibility of the path should not deter their mental alertness with a result of the elephant falling into a mud bank from which it cannot rise. The economic think tank is trying to deter the elephant from trumpeting the virtue of FDI in everything from defence to railways to e-commerce to yoga.

This state of politicians reflect the the dichotomy between what politicians profess and what they practise. The hush-hush manner in which they jack up corruption, get tainted by scams, file cases against CBI, shuffle bureaucracy and take pride in lowering inflation while conveniently overlooking falling oil prices. The result of so many route maps has confused the pachyderm. It does not know where it is going and made it a split personality. The elephant is suffering from a rare condition called Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) — more commonly known as ‘split personality disorder’, her mind switching from following one route to another, without warning. That makes the task of transforming it into a racer horse tougher than ever. Even for a mahout with a 56 inch chest.

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One thought on “The Schizophrenic Indian Pachyderm with a 56inch chest Mahout

  1. Pingback: The Schizophrenic Indian Pachyderm with a 56inch chest Mahout | Alekhya Talapatra

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